Husband. Dad to 5. Student Ministry Pastor. Follower of Jesus. Yatta yatta.

Archives for August 2008

PINCH ME… I REALLY LIVE HERE

Every once in a while I have some day in San Diego where I truly can’t believe God lets me live here. It is really beautiful. This morning was one of those times. We went to La Jolla shores for breakfast on this walk along the coast we like to do. You know I brought my camera!!!!

The tide was in so Shannon snapped this pic of me and the boys. Who needs a professional photographer when you live in San Diego? Look at this pic! (as always, click it and it will go full size for you.)


I also ran across a blog the other day where the guy had embedded a slideshow of pics from his google picasso web album account. I did a little research and found out that I could download this nifty add on to iphoto for free that lets me publish directly from iphoto to google and then instantly create a slideshow that is live on my blog. If you have a mac, you can find that doodad and lots of others right here on the web.

But anyway, here’s my first one. Let me know if you like it! Be sure to watch it through the part where I’m taking my boys pics in front of the water splash and note how Jake is sitting proud and ready to get wet while my other two are so showing their girl side. So funny. It’s like 43 pics total. Hope you enjoy it.

SMALL GROUP LEADER TRAINING

Last night we had our small group leader training. This time we combined the leadership of high school and middle school small groups. We put together a small packet of things we thought would be helpful and gave everyone a stack of postcards with several copies of 3 they could use for their small group: A happy birthday one, a “you rock” one, and we missed you one.

We ate dinner and had about 35 adults for our training. It was good and helpful and I heard encouraging things from those there. I posted two of the documents we used for our training on another blog I sometimes contribute to: PDYM community.

You can find our small group leader expectations here.

And a few thoughts for those who write their own small group material here.

WEDNESDAYS WITH TJ

While celebrating my 14 year anniversary with Shannon, I decided to do 2 things this school year.

#1. Walk by boys to school all year on Mondays. (maybe even rain or shine- we’ll see)
#2. Have breakfast with TJ on Wednesdays.

Since TJ starts middle school an hour after his brothers, I decided to use it for breakfast with TJ. He loves to read, so Monday we picked up some books at the YS office by Mark Oestreicher and Kurt Johnston written directly for middle school kids. We decided to start with one called, “My School“. We are also reading the one minute Bible for students together.

It was good food, good times, and good conversation. I had the breakfast bagel on wheat with provolone. He had the breakfast bagel on plain with cheddar. We’ll see if that becomes our “regular”. We’re going to go to the same place all year- maybe in a few months we’ll just be able to walk up and say, “the usual please.” How cool would that be?!

Here’s a pic of what I hope to be a middle school tradition for all my boys.

FRIENDS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN

I’ve had to come to some tough realizations this last 4 months or so about friends and this post is more vulnerable than feels safe to me… but here goes:

1. Ministry feels lonelier than ever. I have very few close friendships with men my age. Seminary is both a hard and weird place to build friends. Youth pastor network meetings are not filled with men who wear their need for friendship on their shirt sleeve (myself included) and this is only complicated by sporadic attendance by many of them. In my church, very few of my peers want to involve themselves with a teenager, they have their own jobs and kids to contend with- so I don’t have many men my age I serve with.
2. I am a slow builder of deep friendships. They come over time, need to have a natural feel, and it’s hard to feel safe with someone who will simply love you, faults and all. (especially as a pastor living in a 2500 person fish bowl we call the church) This is complicated by past wounds in ways I’m only partly aware of I’m sure.
3. I have some “peer friends” on our street, but no one I can open my life up to over a cup of coffee or a beer in my back yard. It’s just casual friendships.
4. Over time, either myself or my friends move. Almost all of my deepest friendships, from college onward, even many of the ones I’ve tried to start here in the last 4 years, have in one way or another moved on. All of my really deep friendships are living not minutes, but hours or even days from here. Distance has complicated things that technology cannot solve.
5. I think I really need a mens and/or a couples small group. I’ve tried to start one a few times with a few couples in our church, but our schedules end up clashing and it becomes impractical. There are some existing small groups, but they are not easily broken into and it also requires someone who not only I feel safe with, but Shannon as well.
6. Financially, a couples small group costs me close to $20 a week in child care unless we can find a time and place where we can pool that resource. That adds up fast. I think I have to budget for this need.
7. I need to deal with this issue this year. I’m trying to put together a group of guys who, might even travel from across states to meet up. I think I still need some weekly stuff. This is not a “drama filled” process like some sorta hold over from teenage life, it’s a soul level reality I need to wrestle with this year I think.
8. I wish I had a brother. No offense to my sister or my wife. I just hope my sons realize what a treasure they have in brothers. I pray they grow up to be tight friends. I hope they travel across states to hang out once year as adults- with or without me.
9. I have a lot of soul searching to do in this area. Some say leadership roles are lead by lonely people. I’m not buying that- I think it’s a load of crap someone is using to cover up their own pain. I’m sure I’m a BIG part of the problem and it might take some tears to shake the truth out of hiding. Maybe this is part of my pruning. I hope they come from someone who loves me and not from the wounds of someone who is hurt or angry.
10. The hardest question to truly wrestle with in all of this: “Who considers me to be a deep and close friend?”
“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Proverbs 18:24 (The message) Lord help me to live with and be that kind of friend.

OVERHEARD AT SOCCER

My U12 soccer team is mostly middle school boys.  I guess you could say it’s my boys small group.  I love to clown with them and challenge them to give me their best all at the same time.   Today I had a few conversations at practice I thought I’d share.

Before practice, while one early kid was there with me I had the following conversation:
Me: How was school?
Kid: Boring.
Me: Why was it boring?
Kid: We do english for like 2 hours and then math for like an hour and then science for like 3 minutes and science is my favorite subject.
Me: Has it been like this for long?
Kid: No, it just got worse lately.
Me: Well, maybe it will get better.
Kid: Probably not, I’ve been going to this school forever.
Me: What school is it?
Kid: Such and such Christian School.
Me: Is it at a church? 
Kid: Yes, it’s at such and such baptist church, my dad is the pastor there.
Me: Oh, was your dad at our game on Saturday.
Kid: No, my dad is always gone.
Me: Oh, how often do you see your dad?
Kid: About one week a month.  He travels a lot preaching.
Me: Oh…. (note to self, don’t tell this kid I’m a pastor)
Later, after we ran a lap…. this announcement from another kid.
Kid: I’m sorry if I’m a little down today.  School started today and I have to take my pill and I can’t have any sugar either.
Me: Oh… (note to self, this kid is on downer drugs.  I’m slipping him a candy bar at practice so he can run)