FLOSSING CAUGHT UP WITH ME.

My 35 year old fears are coming true. My body is rebelling for all the crap I put it through.

I finally bought my family dental insurance and today I went in to be screened. She said my “enamel is amazing”, but

YOU’RE NOT FLOSSING.

duh. who flosses? Flossing is like driving the speed limit. Everyone knows you’re supposed to do it, but very few do. Well, the cops caught up with me and the dentist slapped me with a bill. I evidently now have a cavity on the side of my tooth- because I don’t floss. How do I get cavities in the side of my teeth? I thought they came in on top. I’ve never had a cavity… and now I do because I didn’t listen to my dentist staring over funky glasses and saying.. “you know, you really should floss.” Yeah, ok… great.

OH, AND SUPPOSEDLY I GRIND MY TEETH.

So, now, not only am I going to floss every day (cuz she says I have 2 other potential cavities that she’s waiting on and that I can rebuild if I floss and rinse with fluoride) or she says I’m gonna loose my really nice teeth…. but now I’m supposed to sleep with a mouth guard just in case an NFL linebacker decides he might want to tackle me in bed. Or maybe in case my wife gets ticked and decides to punch me. It will probably make me drool all night too or something and now I can wake up in a pool of spit. Oh joy.

OH… YEAH… AND SHE WANTS SOME ORAL SURGEON TO REMOVE MY WISDOM TEETH.

Does that seem very smart when I’m already too dumb to floss?

Pretty soon I’ll be wearing depends to bed.