Husband. Dad to 5. Student Ministry Pastor. Follower of Jesus. Yatta yatta.


For everyone of us, I guess there is some definition of what hell on earth is and in jokes or whatever, it becomes the thing that Satan would do to you as torment should you go to hell… cuz it annoys you to no end.

Well, mine would be CRUNCHING. Specifically people crunching food. I won’t even give my kids gum because it drives me nuts to listen to someone pop it and slop it around in their mouth. I don’t even chew it myself… cuz it annoys me. I have no idea why or what happened to me in my childhood or while in my mother’s womb or whatever, but I HATE crunching and listening to people chew. Now that I’ve posted this.. I’ll probably now be given a CD of crunching and crunchy food to all my children to enjoy in my presence for Christmas by all my good friends who think tormenting me sounds fun.

But anyway, in my seminary class, there is this Marine type guy who eats his way through every class. At every break he finds more food. Not sure where he digs it up, though he has a very large bag he brings with him. But two weeks ago, he sat across the room and crunched like crazy. I think I heard every chew in the middle of my spine. Last week he sat right next to me and I thought I was going to dunk his head in my coffee- but the Marine look caused me to hesitate, plus I need my coffee in seminary and even drowning a cruncher might not be worth it. This week the guy is all the stinkin way across the class and crunching like crazy. Not like open mouth, like a cow crunching…. just like chewing an entire box of snap crackle pop that has been in the freezer to enhance the crunch factor…. and now we just got back from a break and some lady just brought in a freakin freshly popped bag of popcorn and the whole place stinks like it… I can hardly wait for some old lady to come in with her freshly nuked tuna caserole- which likely won’t crunch, just stink up the place.

This only seems to reinforce another opinion I’ve been trying not to entertain, but that my hell might be having to sit in seminary class- which I guess is why I’m bloggin in the middel of it… plus, I’m trying to occupy myself so that I don’t throw anything at the cruncher.

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