I’ve come to the conclusion that there are only two ways to learn things in life. #1. The hard way. #2. From someone who learned it the hard way.

Tonight I came home from Bible Study to find my house slightly white. Not really- white- but 20 minutes clean up of white none-the-less. It was clearly a girls Bible Study that was responsible. I found them at church having a last study of the year party and all mysteriously dressed in black at church. I didn’t think much of it when they all left in cars around 9pm while I cleaned up my Bible Study- but when I got home it took me 2 seconds to put it together. Many of them are the same group that did this to mi casa the first month I was here.

I responded to that attack on my abode politely and assumed ignorance on their part. I nicely informed them this was not a bright move on their part with a powerpoint presentation during the high school weekend services of things that had happened to others before them who tried such endeavors: duct taped to trees, cars in crates, personally covered in kitchen slop, cars on jack stands at school, dead fish under a girls bed…. etc. I thought they got the picture when like 2 months later a girl in the group stopped me to ask out of the blue, “Did you really put a dead fish under a girls bed?” I said, “yes”. She said she would learn from that girls mistake.

Evidently not all do- some girls just want to learn the hard way. I now have a trash back full of white stuff, two leaders, and several key students to make examples of… not today… but someday soon- the white stuff shall be served. I once was told by a wise man this great motto to live by: “Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Just get one or two up.” Tis the season to learn stuff the hard way I guess.

Keeping numero uno numero uno is a lot of work. It doesn’t come naturally to me. What comes naturally is procrastination, distraction, and stuff that interests me at the moment. God clearly says in the very first of the 10 commandments through Moses and again through Jesus in the greatest commandment – perhaps the most fundamental of all Christian responsibilities: “Love God first.” I wish that was simple. I’m sure it is. But somehow- it rarely is for me.

Here’s how it plays out in my life:

WITH MY KIDS: Last Thursday a friend asked me if I wanted to take my kid to the baseball game on Friday night. The padre stadium has this little baseball diamond behind the ball park but still actually in the stadium gates where you can play baseball all game with your kid while seeing the game on a giant screen or watching part of it live from this grassy knoll. Problem is: I am supposed to be at church on Friday nights because I need to participate in the service and I lead a service elsewhere on campus for high school students during both Sunday hours. I enjoy going Friday- but I was faced with a dilemma: “A”- worship God in the church with music, my Bible, and a pencil. OR “B”- worship God with my kid, a hot dog, ice cream, and baseball. In the end, I chose B. My son Tyler has not stopped bragging about it since. Honestly, I had no time to be there, was supposed to be at church and had- lots to do for “Sunday” and the baseball game lasted 3x longer than the “friday service”. In the end- I’m not sure “church” was the center of my worship experience that weekend. Tyler shared with me more about faith and numero uno than anything I did all weekend in his smile, hugs, and endless games of catch.

WITH PLANTS: I ended up planting our yard on Saturday instead of working on Sunday stuff- which I should have been doing because I was gone all week, went to a baseball game with Tyler, and was behind on prep work. In the end, the decision to spend the day planting flowers with my mother in law cost me hours of sleep. But the joy it brought my wife and her mom to see it done and enjoy our back yard over breakfast coffee reminded me again that sometimes- sleep is over rated and worship has many forms.

WITH SUNDAY: I ended up preparing for Sunday most of the night and morning and getting there on little to no sleep. I prayed that God would use me in spite of myself. He answered by steering the High School group in such a way that we never actually got to my message on Sunday. We ended up hearing the voice of God through the experience, regrets, and wisdom of graduating seniors. So many students liked what they saw and heard and were blessed and told me so that I had to stop and laugh at myself… Numero Uno doesn’t need me.

WITH MY FRIENDS: Yesterday I had a friend in a tough time that needed to talk. I had minus 4 hours to talk. I was so far in the hole from my weekend of baseball and planting and meetings and such and had a paper due that night in seminary that the last thing I had time to do was comfort anyone but my own mounting pile of paper work. Anyway- I ended up talking with two friends for the better part of 2 hours yesterday. Later that night I went up to my professor and started to ask how I turn in a late paper… and before I could finish my sentence- he said, “Lots of people are in your shoes. I decided to give a short extension.” I walked back to my seat believing and reminding myself- that sometimes- keeping numero uno numero uno isn’t as difficult as I make it out to be. Sometimes God does it for me.

I wish I did this more often. I want to simply love God first. In the end- when I do- the joy is worth it. Now if I could just go do that daily and get so good at it- it’s a reflex- that would be cool…. so here I go- off to worship my God with baseball, plants, and friendships- among other not so complicated acts of worship.

So, I went away with our staff (like everyone: part time facilities guy, receptionists, pastors, you name it and their spouses) for the first time on their annual retreat to the “desert”. My wife and I left a day early and spent some time together and then arrived at what can only be accurately described as a “oasis hallucination too good to be true”. We drove at night and arrived late to what was a gated retreat of water, grass, palms, and luxury surrounded by miles and miles of desolate sand, wind and utter nothing like I’ve never experienced before.

At the Westin Resort I had poolside meals, ate like kings and queens, met in air conditioned rooms, and went for late night walks in 80 degree star filled skies with my bride of almost 11 years. It was amazing!!! I was truly blessed. My marriage was blessed. Wow. What a four days.

The ironic thing was we started out the “official staff meeting portion” of the retreat with a verse from Mark 6. This is how the passage reads in the New Living Translation. It’s context is right after the disciples have served long and hard in a ministry that Jesus sent them out to do and then receive word that Jesus’ cousin John the Baptist has been brutally beheaded. Mark records it this way:

“The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told him all they had done and what they had taught. Then Jesus said, Lets get away from the crowds for a while and rest.” There were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’’t even have time to eat. They left by boat for a quieter spot.”

Here’s the irony… in the text- they never make it there- to a replenishing place. Jesus and his disciples head to what the King James translates as a “desert place” and many others translate a solitary place for rest, encouragement, food, and replenishment of their souls. They are however met by a crowd. Instead of eating and relaxing and deepening friendships just the 13 of them… they find thousands wanting to be healed and fed by them. The disciples complain. Jesus rebukes them and has compassion on the hurting around him. It made me feel a few things:

1. OVERWHELMED. I was overwhelmed by the luxury that surrounded me like I had never experienced before. I mean my wife forgot her tooth brush and they delivered one in a terrycloth envelope to our door. Somehow- I don’t think this is what the disciples dessert location looked like- even without the crowd.

2. QUESTIONING. Why me? If even the disciples didn’t experience this as they desired with Jesus, should I? Why not others? How many today are never going to experience this? I feel guilty sometimes with the blessings I received. I know that some live nicer and are “more blessed”. I know that others still deserve more. I live 45 minutes from a country where the drinking water is not contaminated. Who decided which side of the border I would be born in? Why does it matter?

3. CONFLICTED. Thank you vs. expectant. I wrestle with staying appreciative what I have without expectant of blessings like this to be the “norm”. I hope I never stop wrestling with that. It’s easy to be judgmental too- when it’s all relative. Some people spend $400 on an ipod. Some spend it on a weekend in a lush resort. Some spend it on a bike, some on a car payment, some on gifts, some on diapers, some on books for school, some on ….. you name it. Who is to say one is God honoring and one is not? I know that living like this for 4 days is not unholy. It’s also not my goal in life. As I reflect back on this experience, I’m striving to keep those two thoughts from causing internal bleeding as they wage war inside me to remain thankful without the baggage of materialistic lusts. For example: Like I really want a fountain now. They are beautiful and I have two perfect places at my house for them. Is that ungodly? I guess yes if it consumes me. I guess no if… I don’t know. I’m just not prepared to tell everyone on the planet that I have the will of God for material things nailed down and I know what kind of car Jesus would drive.

So… in the mean time… I’ll just keep wrestling with all three and ask the Holy Spirit to give me a peace and understanding about his will. I don’t want to live with guilt in the freedom I have in Jesus. I also don’t want to use my freedoms to indulge my sinful nature and lusts of the flesh.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

Dear God, may that always be true of me.

If you, like me, grew up watching star wars and find it rather nostalgic to see the rise in our culture again with the advent of episodes 1-3, and can hardly wait to see them with your kids when they get older…. well then perhaps it’s time you and I made our own rendition of these memories. Cuz these two made me laugh for days:

STARCOPS

STOREWARS

I really should be able to say that I desire God. But just this week I figured out that it’s the other way around. I’m sad to admit that I worship my desires. When what I desire is God, that works out rather conveniently, but when I desire other things, well- not so much. Here’s how I discovered this sad fact about myself:

So, when I joined the staff of my new church, I found out that just 2 weeks before I got there the entire staff went away to meet and pray. While meeting and praying on a pier in North San Diego- God told them to fast. He didn’t tell them to go fast- like drive quick. He told them to fast- like abstain from eating. So they decided that this year as pastors, they would fast the first Wed. of every month and then 4 times a year we’d have a 2 day fast. So since I’m a pastor, God has by default spoken this prophetic word into my life too. Honestly, this is the first time in my life that I’ve regularly disciplined myself to fast. It’s been a learning experience. In the just over 2 months that I’ve been here, I have twice fasted for a day and just this week was my first 2 day fast ever in my life. I’m in fasting boot camp.

Anyway what I’ve discovered is that a one day fast is almost like you got too busy to eat. By the time you get hungry- like really hungry- you can go to sleep and then when you wake up- you eat. No big deal- at least for me. Totally different story when Day 2 hits and you watch your family eat dinner and you don’t join in satisfying your hunger for the second time. In those moments you realize- wow, I really want to eat- bad! So you pray and talk to God about desire instead. Or perhaps more accurately- He talks to you. In my case, I talked about how bad I desire food and about how hard it is to ignore the urge to eat. Then God starts talking to me about other urges I get that I don’t ignore either. Then before I know it- God is all up in my face and I realize- I’m a spiritual woose- owned by my desires instead of my God. I lack discipline.

I’ve been reading a book by Bill Hybels called, “who you are when no one’s looking.” I thought the book would be all about integrity- but it’s not. It’s about character. He talks about 4 character traits that are endangered species in the character trait world. He says that one of those endangered species is “discipline” which he defines as the ability to “delay gratification.” In essence, disciplined people he says are people who learn to say no to immediate impulses for greater returns. They decide not to spend money but save for a better purchase or to give it away to someone in great need. Or they may decide not to eat that desert so they’ll be fit and healthy or not to look at porn so they have real relationships with real consequences and blessings instead of a cheap temporary imitation. As I thought of delayed gratification in light of my fasting- I realized I have some work to do.

All of this caused me to go back and re-read a chapter of the famous book Celebration of the Disciplines, by Richard Foster. In his chapter on the discipline of fasting, he says, “More than any other discipline, fasting reveals the thing that controls us.” Wow. He hit the nail on the head. He also says that, “In many ways, the stomach is like a spoiled child, and a spoiled child does not need indulgence, but needs discipline.” So it is with me spiritually. I need to discipline my desires, not feed the spoiled brat.

Remember the time that Satan tries to tempt Jesus with food after he fasted for 40 days- 20 times longer than my woosie dos dias? Jesus responds to Satan’s temptation and quotes a passage from Deuteronomy when God fed the Israelites with Manna from heaven when he says in Matthew 4:4 Jesus answered, ““It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”” Wow. I have a long way to go for that to be true of me. Fasting made me realize how far I have to go to want and desire God and obey his voice more than even the simple spoiled child of my stomach. I have several idols I need to melt into an offering for the Lord. That I hope and pray will become my desire- to yearn for the word of God more than any other lust in life. That would be victory. I think I have a lifetime of fasting ahead of me before that happens though. Fast I shall.