Like many youth groups around the country, we’re launching our small groups this fall.  We also have made some changes based on learnings from the flow of groups last year.  As a result, we have decided that the first 10 weeks will be largely-if not almost exclusively- focused on getting to know our students.  Then in January, after the Christmas break, we’ll then build on those relationships and begin a process to dive more fully into the Scriptures together each week in a more “traditional Bible Study”.

But what this means in the short term is that from late September through Christmas, we’ll be spending a lot of time (like an hour or so) pouring into the life of just one student in each small group each night.  Not like a hot seat where a small group grills one member with questions, but more like a moment where we say, “We really want to get to know you more… but for reals.  So tell us all about yourself.”

If the small group you lead is made up of outgoing bubbly teenage girls, well that might be all you need.  You’ll be lucky if you get them to stop talking 60 minutes later with that one intro.

But if you’re leading freshman guys, it’s gonna take some more work.

So in order to help, we put together a packet of stuff to keep a conversation going with a student.  Here’s 6 tips we’re using to train our leaders.

START YOUR SMALL GROUP EACH WEEK WITH A BUCKET TESTIMONY.  Pick an item (bucket, purse, backpack, suitcase, basket, etc) and have a different person each week come with 10 items inside.   As they pull each item out, they tell you why they put it in there and what it means to them.  As leaders, you do this first, choosing a wide range of items from serious to funny and set the tone.  Then have someone volunteer or choose a student who can do this next week.  Don’t forget to call and remind them in the days leading up to your next meeting so they don’t forget.

EMBRACE TANGENTS:  If they tell you their favorite food is their grandma’s French toast, ask them to tell you more about their Grandma.  Take the bait and run with whatever other material they give you.

ASK OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS:  Avoid questions that can be answered with yes/no.  Try why, how, and when questions instead of “Do you like _________”  kind of questions.  Try things like:

• “How did that make you feel?”
• “Why do you like that?”
• etc..

DON’T GIVE UP:  It takes about 6 questions before they even think you really care.  Here’s a set of common questions that are essentially intro questions whenever you meet a student in our ministry.  Keep going when these questions are done:

• Hey, How are you?  
• What’s your name?
• What school do you go to?
• How did you hear about our youth group?  
• What do you like to do in your free time? 

PLAY DEVIL’S ADVOCATE:  Don’t do this with sarcasm, but feel free to push at a student’s answers to get them to talk more.   If they say “God is so good”, you could say “How do you know God is good? Would you say that to a friend whose mom was diagnosed with cancer? ”   Or if they say, “I think sex before marriage is wrong.”  You could say, “Ok.  So do you think people should get married just to have sex?”  etc…  A great time to do this is when a student says something that appears to have unanimous agreement in your group but you also know the rest of the world outside this group will not necessarily agree.

GIVE SPACE:  Let your question sit before you follow up with another question.  Sometimes rapid firing a question is fun.  Other times, it just shuts them down.  Embrace the silence and give them some time to think about their answer.  If you do break the silence, try clarifying your question before abandoning it or thinking they are not going to answer.

Additionally, we also gave our leaders a couple of sheets with tons of other ideas to ask about and resources to keep the conversation going. Some more of them will be added soon to my Small Group Administrative Tools on Download Youth Ministry in an update shortly.  You might want to pick them up, and a bunch more stuff you might find helpful in small groups if you’re launching this fall and want some more ideas or tools.

Praying for great conversations and deep relationships in my ministry and yours.

If it ain’t broken…  you probably have one eye closed.

In my world, the broken is part of my life.  It’s everywhere.

• 2 weeks ago my dishwasher broke and destroyed my kitchen cabinets.
• I now have broken cabinets and I re-installed my chipped and stained 25 year old sink in 2×4’s. 
• my truck’s power steering is broken
• my wife’s car has a fan that only works of mach 5.  settings 1-4 no longer work.  So it’s all air or no air.  The back glass latch is busted.  The passenger door spring is busted.  
• my yard sprinklers are still busted and we have watered by hand all summer cuz I don’t have the time or money to fix them yet. 
• my wife’s macbook mousepad is broken.
• my boys have broken lamp shades in their bedrooms from various “events”.

Well, as happened last year, this year will be a repeat.  Blog is going silent through the summer.  I love to write and read together with youth pastors and the few non-youth ministry peeps who frequent this blog.

But for the curious or those who want to pray for me…  here’s why:

• HIGH SCHOOL/COLLEGE CAMP: I ran a mulit-church camp that we host at Pt. Loma Nazarene last week.
• SUMMER FUN CAMP: I’m joining my generations team staff for a week with “summer fun camp”- think VBS on steroids at our church next week.
• SUMMER SUNDAYS: Every Sunday in July and August we have an after church high school bonding event for some sweet Summer Sundays experiences. 
• HOUSEBOAT TRIP: I’m taking my son and 3 of his high school friends and teaching for a week at a Shasta house boat trip in Nor Cal for a high school ministry. 
• FAMILY CAMPING: I’m taking my family for a 2 week camping trip with friends and family.  One week in Big Basin and one week at Trinity Lake. 
• CONCERT: I’m taking my mom to go see Neil Diamond in concert.  Stubhub says there’s 194 tickets if you want to join us…ha ha. Gonna be awesome. 
• BOOK #2:  I’m trying to finish my second book on criticism before I start coaching 2 soccer teams and returning for my last year of seminary in the fall.   My first book, “As For Me and My Crazy House” got a sweet review today. Thanks Austin. 

If you’re in youth ministry and you want some tried and true, in the trenches materials then cruise on by Download Youth Ministry.com


It just got a HUGE face lift last week, all the graphics and downloadable art was totally updated and revamped. It has some great content and is inexpensive enough to try out stuff without breaking the budget. 


I have several resources on the site.  Some for behind the scenes and administrative stuff, some small group materials, and a few teaching series.  


In the next few weeks i’m sending 3 more teaching series to the site and an awesome resource of learnings for when the big church stuff comes your way and you’re asked to plan the all church baptisms and such.  You know, like those times when your job description expands from youth ministry to everything else.  Stuff like what to do if you have been asked to do a wedding or are called on to do a funeral or even a resource for when you have to engage in some dreaded church discipline for someone who is simply way out of line.   


But regardless of whether it’s stuff I wrote or Doug or Josh or Matt wrote, there’s tons of great stuff there and more to come each week.  So go ahead and bookmark it and let your life get easier at a price that might be against minimum wage labor laws in 13 countries.