Archives for September 2011

At some point, it’s time to look in the mirror and ask, “Why do I feel this way?”  Really, what is going on in me and why am I so wrecked?  

I used to watch “The Practice” religiously.  It was a tv series about a law office that constantly was hired to defend thugs and guilty men and women accused of the worst set of crimes. Their anti-thesis was the District Attorney.  Being a D.A. against “The Practice” was gut-wrenching work and unlike Bobby Donnel’s Law Firm, no defendant paid them double if they won cuz they were court appointed. The D.A.’s job was thankless.  Maybe it was why I found camaraderie with them in moments of discouragement.

But I’ll never forget this one episode.  One of the District Attorneys, Helen, wants to quit.  The trial went bad, the public is not happy, they probably just lost and let a guy everyone knows was guilty go free and the thankless factor had hit an all-time high. So in the very last scene of the episode they’re in restaurant and eating dinner when Helen puts down her fork and says to Richard:

Helen Gamble: I need it, Richard. Give it to me. 

Richard Bay: What? 

Helen Gamble: The speech. Why we do what we do. 

Richard Bay: Oh, I am not really in the mood after… 

Helen Gamble: PLEASE, Richard. I NEED it. Please give it to me. And don’t just phone it in.

Richard Bay: Helen… 

Helen Gamble: Please! Can’t you see how demoralized I am? 

Richard Bay: OK. (takes a deep breath) There are heroes in this world. They’re called District Attorneys. They don’t get to have clients, people who smile at them at the end of the trial, who look them in the eye and say, “thank you.” Nobody is there to appreciate the District Attorney, because we work for the state. And our gratitude comes only from knowing there’s a tide out there. A tide the size of a tsunami coming out of a bottomless cesspool. A tide called crime, which, if left unchecked will rob every American of his freedom. A tide which strips individuals of the privilege of being able to, to walk down a dark street or take twenty dollars out of an ATM machine without fear of being mugged. (entire restaurant has stopped eating and is now listening) All Congress does is talk, but it’s the District Attorney who grabs his sword, who digs into the trenches and fights the fight. Who dogs justice day, after day, after day without thanks, without so much as a simple pat on the back. But we do it. We do it, we do it because we are the crusaders, the last frontier of American justice. Knowing that if a man cannot feel safe, he can never, never feel free. 

Helen Gamble: Thank you. 

Truth is, we all need “the speech” every now and again.

If you’re a parent and frustrated:  maybe you need the why your kid still needs you, even if they don’t know how to say that speech.

If you’re a couple struggling and considering divorce: maybe you need the you walked the isle and said divorce is not an option speech.

If you’re wondering if your life will ever get better, maybe you need the God is not done with you speech.

And if you’re in youth ministry, and you are feeling discouraged: then maybe you need “the why we do this speech”.  And if you can’t muster up the energy to give it to yourself, here goes. In honor of students and “The Speech”, I’ll give it to you:

There are heroes in the world of today’s youth. They are called Youth Workers. They are a rare breed. They are the ones who walk into the turmoil of teenage life when everyone else is walking out. They stand in the face of countless statistics that warn of the ills that this generation will have to endure. They know what’s at stake and they fight for the lives that lie behind every number. Where others merely see rebellion, they see a generation in need of hope. 

They love God and love students and they’d do anything to see those two loves meet. They give up weekends and luxury retreats to sit on busses and take vacation time to invest in a week of camp or tent-filled missions instead. They lose sleep in prayer, give money in scholarships, and invest time in just simply being there. Youth workers invest in a generation with all they have, all the time. 

Youth workers know intrinsically that quitting won’t solve anyone’s problems- least of all those of our young people. They don’t need a survey to them that families struggle because they see it on the faces of those they minister to all the time. Teens need a mentor and far too many have already quit on them, so as a youth worker, they step up. They listen when others judge. They cry when others just rant. They see potential where others only see pain. 

Youth workers are rarely thanked. Rarely paid well. And even rarer understood. They are both living on the front lines of the battle and are our last line of defense before full fledged adulthood. They are a God-given gift to students, to families, to the church and to the culture. 

We cannot afford to lose even one for the harvest is plentiful, but the youth workers are too few. 

So if you’re a youth worker.  Your work matters.  Students need you.  Families need you.  I need you.  Please don’t quit.  You’re making a world of difference and one day… your Savior-  and if you’re lucky, your students- will thank you face-to-face saying, “Well done. Thank you for staying the course.  You are a good and faithful servant.”  

After you’ve given yourself some time to de-emotionalize the funk you’re in, you might be in a better place.  But if you’re like me, you’re probably still pretty discouraged and honestly, a bit wounded.   The images of discouragement and the voices that cut might be a bit dimmer than their immediate circumstances, but you can still see and hear them clearly.  Maybe they’ve been there for a while, but you’re trying to give yourself some space to process, but it’s hard.

• If it was an e-mail you got that tipped the scales, then you probably haven’t mustered the courage to just deleted it forever yet.
• If it was an angry coworker, friend, parent, boss, etc.. you can still hear their tone, voice, and words.
• If it was a small thing a long list of things that haven’t gone right, the long list is still long and the small thing still feels monstrous and like one more person you can’t please.  
• If it was an event or talk or a program that that bombed so bad you wanted to just call it quits, then you still can relive the moment if you let yourself go there.  

So what now?  

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THE GOOD.  This might seem impossible, but there is good going on around you and you need to find it.  Look for small things to celebrate.  No, don’t make stuff up or try and talk yourself out of your funk. Just go looking for the good.  It’s in there.  I promise.  The next 3 thoughts are ways to do this.

ASK OTHERS TO HELP.  Don’t say one word to your critics.  Don’t go searching for a better day or to see if they really don’t feel the way you do or if you’ve blown the thing way out of proportion.  Not yet.  Right now just go to your biggest fans- the 2 people in the world you know love you unconditionally, even if one is your mom- and ask them what they think is going right.  Tell them you’re wounded and you need to spend some time in the good.  I confessed my funk to a few people on Sunday and found 3 e-mails in my inbox reminding me that it’s going to be ok.  It doesn’t always happen like that;  in fact, it rarely does.  But it reminded me that when you’re discouraged, we all need some encouragement. And if it isn’t coming accidentally, we need to go searching for it.

MAKE A LIST OR PRAY OR JOURNAL OR WHATEVER.  Take some time to thank God for things that you have to be thankful for.  We all know we could make a rant.  And maybe you should make a rant list, but only so it can lead you to a thankful list.  It’s the promise of Philippians 4:6-7.  It’s the road to true inner peace.  You’ve told students to do it before.  Now it’s your turn to practice what you preach.  Think about a friend who stuck by you in the funk, the breath in your lungs, the computer you’re reading this on, anything. Think about the situation or circumstances that have brought you to the place you’re in and ask God to show you where He’s at in it.  Look for small things somebody said, the little changes for the better, or the places you can see a glimpse of God.

TAKE A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE.  This is easier to do if you have a few habits from the good days.  I have a file and now an e-mail inbox that I stick encouraging e-mails and notes in.  After a really good youth ministry event, write down a praise and save it.  Compile the best pictures and moments of your life and keep them in a shoebox or a slideshow on your computer.  Then sit your butt down and flip through them.   There’s some great things God has done in and through you.  Let God remind you of that.  Remember, he’s not the God of discouragement.

Ok.. tomorrow is part 3. I really want to give it now, but tomorrow will do. If it’s a mountain of discouragement you’re trying to conquer, Part 3 takes us to the summit.  It’s the last climb before we start making some amends.  It’s epic.  I can’t wait.

Ok… so I tried to let it sit for a day before I blogged about it.

But frankly, yesterday was one of those days where when you’re done with teaching high school as a pastor, you want to crawl in a hole and not come out. Several students texted and talked and passed notes during my message.  Some walked out before it even began. The room lacked life.  The whole thing seemed like going through the motions and like the complete opposite of the 3 weeks before it. I could have just stopped mid-sentence and said, “My bad. Something is severely wrong and it just might be me.  Let’s all go home and try again another day.”  It felt that way during our 9am service.  It felt that way again at 11.  Was it a full moon? I dunno.

But I do know this feeling. In the grip of years I’ve been doing high school ministry, I’ve experienced it on more occasions than I care to really admit.

I remember one Wednesday night in Nor. Cal about 10 years ago.  I came home after youth group when I felt like this… like I was a failure and that I should just quit.  In an attempt to just drift away into brainless activity, I crashed on the couch and flipped on David Letterman.  He was doing his monologue and it was bombing.  I was feeling a bit of camaraderie with him in a twisted sort of way when all of a sudden he broke out of his monologue and turned to his sidekick Paul and asked, “Hey Paul, how many shows do we do a year?”  Paul said, “I dunno, something like two or three hundred”.  Letterman said, “That’s a lot right?”… Then in a moment of improv, Letterman walked straight for the camera and stuck his face in the screen.  Then he said, “Hey people, with 200 shows, you can’t be good all the time” and went back to making fun of himself and his audience and how bad his jokes were bombing.  It was beautiful.  I laughed and said to myself, “If David Letterman can’t be good all the time with an entire staff of writers, surely I can bomb a few myself and keep going.” I remember laughing at God for speaking to me through David Letterman.  I still think that’s funny.

For like the entire first year here at Journey our second service in high school had about 25% of the numbers from our first service… and all of them looked like they hated it.  I mean really, I think they were all forced to be there and I wished they would just flip me off or tell me why they hated it so we could talk for real.  Every day- I’m not joking -every Sunday I would walk into the bathroom between services and look myself in the mirror and say, “you can do it.  you can do it.  you can do it” and then pray and walk out with a smile on my face and thank students for coming and try to give them my best.  It was brutally hard and coming on the heels of a great season of ministry, it was steadily trying to eat away at my confidence in my calling.

So this week, in honor of my own dysfunction and for anyone who can identify with it, I’m doing 5 posts on dealing with discouragement.

So here goes.  If you feel like a loser and like you might want to quit any minute. Here’s what you might want to do.

CALL IT OUT.  Discouragement is not from God.  Correction might be.  But kick you down and tell you “you suck”is not.  It won’t change how you feel.  But it will begin the process of recognizing that what you feel is not from God.  Ponder Philippians 4:8.  You won’t find discouragement in that list or in the list of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 either.

WALK AWAY.  For a long time after second service I’d quit every Sunday. I’d walk out the door and quit.  Then I’d walk across the parking lot and get in my car and drive home.  On Monday night, I’d re-hire myself again.   Before you do or say anything you’re going to regret, give yourself some time to think and pray and de-emotionalize the moment.  Time heals a lot of stuff… especially the emotional stuff.

PRAY.  Spend sometime asking God to show you what is truth and what is lie in the voices and images that are banging around in your head.  I’m positive there is real stuff to repair.  But if you’re like me, then you’re your own worst critic.  Ask God to separate the truth from the lie… even truth from the lies you own because you said them.

This fall there have been 3 things that I’ve had happen or observed that are worth stealing if you want to make a difference in the lives of students or families or even your friends.  I can take credit for none of them.  But all of them both inspired and challenged me.