Archives for May 2011

Dallas Willard in the Divine Conspiracy proposes that the beginning of the most famous of Jesus’ sermons, the “Sermon on the Mount“, begins with what is actually a role call of sorts.  In other words, he believes that Jesus is speaking to…

• the spiritually drained
• those hurting from loss
• the quite and gentle
• those who yearn to be more like God
• those who are merciful
• those whose heart’s are pure
• those who mend broken relationships
• and those who are persecuted

May the drained be filled with the Spirit, the hurting find comfort, and the gentle find strength.  Oh God please speak clearly to those who yearn to be more like you and be merciful to those who show mercy. Protect those whose hearts are pure from that which seeks to pollute them.  Mend the broken and give them a peace that surpasses all understanding.  Holy Spirit bind up the wounded and protect those who are persecuted for right living.   Amen. 

In our litigious society, kids ministry and youth ministry and even ministry in general has many scared of touch.

One of the tasks that I’ve been working on now that I oversee kids ministry too is developing a policy manual for our volunteers.  I hate red tape and I’m really not much of a policy and rule guy, but we’re trying to have a formal written document that explains what people can and can’t do for that litigious society and for training purposes too.  As a result, I got a copy of one church in our area’s manual to learn from and inside it has this statement explaining what no sexual contact with a child looks like:

No physical contact includes: children sitting in an adult’s lap, no stroking of the child, no front hugs, no children hanging onto adults, no picking up of children in the Early Childhood and Elementary classrooms. If a child initiates any of these physical contacts immediately but gently remove the child.

Let’s be clear.  This is not because a 3 year old in my lap or hugging me is unhealthy.  It’s because of legal mumbo jumbo and sin.  Jesus could not have worked in this church childcare cuz I’m doubting he refused to hug the kids when they came to him.

In my youth ministry, 4 times in the last 3 months I’ve had a girl sitting alone in our Sunday program who I approached to see if she was ok.  Each time I said, “It’s good to see you.  How are you doing?” and then put my hand on her shoulder.  This simple act each time has resulted in a flood of tears and the admission that they are not ok.  It was a hand on a shoulder that said, “How are you…. really?”.  It is what separated it from a nice greeting to a sincere request and demonstration of concern.   I have become convinced that today, more than ever… there is intense power in healthy touch.

I remember reading “What’s so Amazing about Grace” by Philip Yancey years ago.  In it he marches in a gay parade with some homosexual friends of his and experiences the spitting and yelling and condemnation of some of the “Christians” protesting the event.  In the subsequent interviews he does afterwards he is told by one man, “It’s easier to get sex on the streets than it is for me to get a hug in church.”  That has never left me.

Really?  Dear God… please don’t let healthy touch be a rarity among your people.

If this is new to you, here’s 4 suggestions for healthy touch:

#1. DON’T BE AN IDIOT:  healthy touch is healthy touch.  It is observable by others.  It is non-sexual.  This should be obvious what you should and should not do.  If this is a question, please don’t volunteer or lead in ministry to minors especially.

#2. PLEASE TOUCH: seriously, for the love of people and God, please give a hug to someone who is crying.  Please squeeze a shoulder, shake a hand, touch a little kids head with a smile… something to indicate people are loved and you’re comfortable with them.

#3. WHEN IN DOUBT, DON’T:  if you think there’s more going on behind the scenes for either of you, then walk away.

#4. DON’T DISCRIMINATE:  Hug everyone.  Squeeze everybody’s shoulders.  Put your arm around someone and say, “good job”.  Just do it to everyone.  I think we could use a good solid influx of healthy touch in our churches.

We have billboards all over San Diego, one within like 200 yards of our church that read, “Judgment Day. May 21”.

Everyone in ministry knows the pressures of feeling like you have too much to do and not enough time to do it.  But the truth is, delegating some of it to others is easier said than done.  Especially if it is going to be  done right where people are “empowered and encouraged” and not just “used and abused”.  We also all know that delegation, at least initially, can often take more time or energy than just doing it yourself.

So over the years I have a developed a mental framework that I try and think through when delegating to volunteers or even a paid helper.  My goal is always that everyone is valued and useful and no one feels like a servant of my agenda or overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations or even underwhelmed by trivial tasks that minimize their contribution.  To that end, I try and match their leadership capacity with the right task through these four basic categories:

LIST PEOPLE
These volunteers are valuable servants, but not take charge leaders.  They require a specific task list to be successful. They might make phone calls, drive a vehicle, get food, or photocopy fliers.  But they don’t do all of it.  If you ask them to lead something, they’ll freeze and freak out. They serve one step at a time.  So make a to do list and call someone like this to help.  They love helping and you’ll be glad you asked.

GIMME TRAIN TRACKS PEOPLE
These volunteers are trustworthy helpers, but not visionary people.  They will do a lot for you, as long as you give them rails to run on.  If you want them to lead a small group, they can.  But they need curriculum, a list of expectations, and a follow up from you to make sure nothing derailed them.   If you give them one thing to do, they’ll feel like they are wasting their time.  If you give them 10 things with no direction, they’ll fumble.  So set up a training time, give them the resources they need, and let their engines run on the tracks you gave them.

GIVE ‘EM FENCES PEOPLE
This volunteer is a well intentioned, but dangerous leader.  I love this group, but if not kept in check, they start stuff without talking to you and can cause problems accidentally.  (Like they planned their small group retreat, called the parents, and did everything perfect… except it is the same weekend of your ski trip.) They might be able to oversee an entire event or lead a small group on their own, but they need to know what you expect and what you don’t want.  They need regular communication and regular checks and balances.  The key to this person is to have them work with you as a co-leader first.   Give them big roles, but stay in the loop. Once you feel confident they know what you do or don’t want them doing and the lines of communication are open…. then you’re good to go.

FREE RANGE PEOPLE
This is a tried and true leader.  You will probably only have a handful of these people.  You can have them teach, lead the music, design a flyer, or oversee an entire event depending on their gifts and talents.  However, do not underestimate their ability or corner them with a small to do list or they’ll leave to find a place they are truly needed.  This person is someone you bring into your vision brainstorm meetings, empower with a piece of your ministry, and then walk away knowing full well that they will get it done and probably better than you could have done it anyway.   If you have one of these, what are you waiting for.  Give them a piece of your ministry now.

Last March I taught a seminar that I had taught once before.  I made some changes to it from the first time, but it this go around was called, “Moving from Leadership to Ownership:  creating a student owned ministry”.  It wasn’t about student leadership per se, but rather was about some shifts that I think we need to make if we’re going to move from ministry to students to ministry owned by students that will withstand the test of time.

You can give the entire seminar a listen by buying it or on cd or download here if you want.  (btw, I get nothing financial if you do that, so no push from me really).

Anyway, in that seminar, one of the things I mentioned was that I think the proclamation model of teaching is dying among students and I questioned its ability to produce life-long followers of Jesus by itself.  Simply put, preaching alone is not gonna cut it.  I suggested that we that we need to move to a more interactive teaching format that engages students in the thinking process.  That prompted a recent e-mail to me that read as follows.  Since I didn’t ask for permission, I’ll post it here anonymously:

I was one of the student pastors at your workshop at SYMC on moving from leadership to ownership. BTW I really enjoyed the session. I remembered you talking about using the Lady Gaga song “Born this Way” during a teaching time with your students and turning it into a discussion amongst the group. I want to use that as well as a few clips from last weeks Glee episode in a discussion message in the next week or so. What does that look like when you do it? I am great at monologuing and preaching when I am the only one talking, but I am not sure what questions to ask or how to lead a discussion message in this context. I think it would be such a great thing to help our students understand the good and the bad of the song. Any help? Thanks bro

_____________________________________

Without taking the time to clarify what I said or what this youth pastor is asking about, here’s my response as to how I think we can help students engage a discussion in a learning environment.  I posted it her ein the hopes that maybe you’ll find it helpful too.

_____________________________________

thanks for the kind words.  Glad you enjoyed the seminar.

If your normal gathering is like mine where it’s easy to do the monologue/ proclamation style of learning… then I have found that there are at least 4 things that are needed for good discussions in these environments.  These are not yoda conclusions but rather observations in process.  They are also not a full treatment of teaching to teens, but rather some simple ideas to help engage an audience of teens in feedback.  Ok.. all that said, here they are:

1. PREPARE YOUR ADULTS: you need adults or key students spread around the room to get conversations going in smaller groups.  they need to know this is coming and to be ready to help when it does.  
2. PROVIDE AN ENGAGING TOPIC or ILLUSTRATION: you need a topic that is engaging on various opinion levels but that is still safe to talk about.  Hence Lady Gaga or Osama Bin Laden or Glee or whatever.  Then get students talking about “most teens” or “their peers” instead of themselves.  Most students will actually share stories they relate to, but in the 3rd person
3. CREATE SAFE INTERACTION POINTS. Ask open ended questions (ones that don’t have yes or no as an answer)  You can collect feedback verbally by writing down responses up front on a whiteboard- affirming the contributions as they come.  You can give students a chance to speak silently by writing something down on sticky notes and such and then pasting them somewhere and you read them.  You can use texting or other methods too.   You can see a sample of how I recently did this here.
4. DEVELOP A TEACHING/INTERACTION RHYTHM.  ie: teach some.  read some.  show a video. then gather responses.  then repeat.  give lots of chances for them to talk in brief, short, safe segments.  Warm them up to the idea that they can ask a question or interrupt you or speak up when you give the go ahead.