Archives for February 2012

Last week I was given an invitation to volunteer at one of our local high schools.  I went with 5 others from our church, not knowing what I was getting myself into really.  I knew it was this thing called challenge day, the school needed adult help to pull it off, and I was supposed to be there from 6:45am to 2:30pm.  Beyond that, I was clueless.

It turned out to be an organization called Challenge Day coordinating a highly interactive day of vulnerability and forgiveness so students could be honest with themselves and their peers about what really is going on in their life.   Filled with fun, laughter, games, and raw vulnerability, this day was a crazy soup of emotions and a roller coaster ride for students and adults alike.  The day begins with students running into a room filled with adult volunteers forming a cheering tunnel and from there it rolls through a series of activities; some 2 minutes long and some 30 minutes, but it’s constantly changing.  Some are meant to make you laugh.  Some are meant to break down perceived and even real barriers.  Some are meant to move your heart and mind to a new reality.   The day ended with a collaborative opportunity for students to challenge one another to live different and to stick up for one another in their halls, classes, and sports.

If you work with teens and you get wind of a challenge day experience coming to your local high school, then find a way to serve at it for at least three reasons.

1. It will be a great way for you to build a relationship with your local school.
2. It will be a great way for you to be a resource to a student being real about life and it will remind you of what is really going on with students.
3. It will teach you some things about youth ministry you might have forgotten.

HERE’S WHAT I WAS REMINDED OF IN STUDENT MINISTRY: 

MOVEMENT MATTERS:  If you want people to connect with others then you have to have space for movement in your time.  Turn and say high to your neighbor won’t cut it.  We need movement.  Movement can be for fun or for commitment.  It can be students writing down a prayer need and bringing it up.  It can be a “station” where they do something across the room.  But there’s something necessary about movement for action.  I was reminded that our weekly mingle needs to move people to talk, but it also needs to move people.

TOUCH MATTERS: They hugged, danced, high-fived, bumped into and physically touched one another way more than anyone does in a normal day.  I always make it a habit to touch students on the shoulder, give high fives, and thank them for coming to Encounter.  But the truth is I need to be way more intentional about this. At one point I heard Doug Fields tell his leaders that every student in the room needs 6 touches.  They said every student needs 12 hugs.  I need to do a waaay better job of this and teaching my leaders to do this.

CULTURE MATTERS: They worked hard to create an alternate culture in the room and it worked.  Every youth group has a culture.  Every church. Every class.  Every family. Every School.  Every place has a culture.  It’s also not accidental.  We’re creating it by what we do, say, and even imply.  I was reminded that I need to be very intentional about the culture I’m creating in my youth ministry. It really matters.

MUSIC MATTERS:  They constantly and continually changed the feel of the room with music.  Sometimes it made you dance.  Others created identity and shared bonding. It made you think, distracted you, moved you, or gave you safety.  Pretty much anything they did and every transition they made referenced or moved along by music.  I suck at picking music and I think we are not great at using it.  I need to give this to a student who loves it… someone with DJ spirit in them and an understanding of mood.  Seriously, I need this person bad.  

ADULT INVOLVEMENT MATTERS:  In the end, this day gave students a chance to lead, but it was not possible without safe and caring adults.  This day was an amazing opportunity to connect with and encourage students who were being honest about their life. On Sunday I asked a student how he was doing and in 3 sentences he shared honestly what was going on. I pulled up a chair and sat down and we talked.  I missed all of our normal stuff and everything we had planned because of it and it was totally worth it.  He then connected for a time with another adult leader.  I need 50 more adults investing into our students like this.  Sadly, for almost all of these students that were there at challenge day, the relationships they began with adults in one day ended that same day.  The church can and must do better than that.

HOPE IN JESUS MATTERS:  Ultimately, the day left me wishing I could help students find real hope in a community of faith and connection with God in a way they all were craving.  It was like seeing hundreds of students identify a need and me banned from helping them find it.  It’s a deeply spiritual day without Jesus’ name being mentioned.  I’m confident God was working. I’m also confident students were not given an answer to put two and two together.

I’m a lucky husband and a lucky Dad. On this Valentines Day, I was reminded that I’m seriously blessed with the two ladies in my life: a wife and daughter that are amazing. Want picture proof?

No worries, here’s my annual Christmas Daddy Date to the Del in Coronado with Becky.  Her beautiful mom decked her out and then I stole her away.  This year we went ice skating. Love that pretty little girl.

The world will end in 2012.

If whoever predicted that is wrong and we manage to live through it, then the rest of this stuff will definitely happen…

Paper books will go the way of the vinyl record, and Amazon is going to take over the communication world.  Laptops will go away and be replaced by tablets.  Cars will be replaced by jetpacks.  The polar ice caps will go away and the world will flood again.  Youth Ministry or at least the need for anyone to do this as a career choice will die.  Marriage will be a thing of the past.  America will implode under it’s own immoral choices and/or the ginormous debt we have and then China will basically take it over in some kind of economic meltdown.  Either way, my kids will all grow up to hate me.

I didn’t make any of those up on my own.  I’ve recently read them all in a news article, a blog, or in a conversation I’ve had.  Ok, I made up the jetpack one.  But the rest have a source outside of me.

Some of those stats I believe.  Some scare me.  Some make me wonder why I bother at all and make me want to quit writing, teaching, learning, and leading into what is inevitably a doomsday of my current reality.  But regardless of which ones are true and which ones are false, they have reminded me of a couple things recently:

LOTS OF STUFF WILL CHANGE AND SO MUST I.
The cultural and technological changes I’ve experienced in the last 30 years are beyond comprehension. The things I do on cell phones, the way I use my computer, even how I pay my bills is not the same as it was even 5 years ago.  Stuff comes and go at lighting speed it seems.  I have no idea what the future holds, but history has proven that it’s probably not what it is today and not what the future crystal ball people say either. I remember the day when Apple computers was surely going to fold.  Now the NY Times says the company has $100 Billion in cash and securities.  So go figure.  I don’t know what the future holds, but it’s a safe bet that how people communicate, travel, spend money, dress, and a myriad of other basics will constantly be changing. So don’t get too comfortable in your shoes. They won’t last a lifetime, that’s for sure.

SOME STUFF WILL NEVER CHANGE, AND I CAN’T LET DOOMSDAY PREDICTIONS MOVE ME. 
On the other hand, there’s plenty that the past several thousand years of social change has never managed to alter.  Like the basic needs of food, water, and shelter, the Apostle Paul reminds us that people will always need Faith, Hope, and Love.  As I’ve been thinking about it, I think there’s some stuff about ministry I don’t think are changing anytime soon either:

• MENTORS NEEDED:  Much like the corporate world will always have interns and apprentices, kids will always need adult mentors.  We’re never going to see the day where adults are obsolete and children run the place. If you’re a parent or an adult investing in the next generation, fear not… you’ll be needed for as long as the globe is spinning. 
• LAUGHTER, COMMUNITY, FORGIVENESS, RESTORATION, AND TRUE FRIENDSHIP:  No one will be removing the need for people to do life with each other or the reality that this process is messy.  The pressure for one aspect or another ebbs and flows, but the essential core of it is never going to die.  Embrace every chance you get to do be the people of God. 
• LEADERSHIP AND LEARNING:  The church and the world will always need leaders.  The smart ones will be learners of the past and seek the wisdom for the future. Don’t quit leading.
• PROGRAMS TO SERVE A NEED:  I know it’s cool to diss on programs and to pump relationships, but whether it’s a way to feed the masses, get clothing to the needy, help people travel, share a learning experience, worship God, or merely organize a group to go to the snow, people will always need help getting it done.  If you are a leader who helps people collaborate, have no fear… you’ll always be doing that and people will always be looking for help.  If you shut the doors on your program, I promise you, it will not close the need for another to open up and meet it. Don’t do your program because you’ve always done it.  But don’t quit thinking of new ways to meet new needs, the world will never be so self-sufficient as to make them obsolete.  

Well friends, my first book is officially done and up for pre-sale. It’s called As For Me and My Crazy House and it should hit the shelves in the next few weeks, but you can pre-order it now and be the first to read it if you so desire.  The subtitle sums up the book’s contents and premise pretty well: “Learning to protect your heart, marriage, and family from the demands of ministry.”

I’m certainly no expert who has mastered this stuff, but I am neck deep in trying to live it out.  This book is not a been-there-done-that-now-I-wrote-the-book kind of read.  It’s just a down to earth, let’s think, wrestle, inspire, and challenge one another to follow Jesus as we champion our marriages and love on our families in the context of ministry kind of read.

If you’re in the trenches of this tug-o-war while being pulled every other direction by life and ministry, then I hope you’ll join me in this journey and pick up the book.

It is broken into 3 sections, with several short chapters each based on 3 foundational truths:

• The best gift I can give my marriage is a healthy me.
• The best gift I can give my family is a healthy marriage.
• The best gift I can give my community and ministry is a healthy family. 

If that sounds like a read you want to dig into.. then click here to grab the print copy.

oh.. and if you want to read it on your Kindle…. no fear. Amazon has it ready to roll HERE NOW!

Here’s a video we threw together that Simply posted on their website about it if you want to give it a listen.  My wife filmed it using my phone.  She’s a rock start!

A friend of mine recently asked me, “What are the key qualities I would look for in a youth pastor?”…