Archives for February 2012

Hey friends.  If you’re going to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference this weekend then I’d love to have you join me.  Here’s my schedule of how you can find me and if you’re not going, how you can be praying for me if you’re so willing in the week ahead.

I’ll be teaching in the following slots. Come on by and say hi.

SAYING NO TO THE STATUS QUO: declaring war on extended adolescence. 
Friday March 2.  9:30pm – 11:00pm.   ROOM: Breathitt

• You don’t have to be very observant or very well read to know that adolescence has moved from a life stage to a lifestyle and that students are leaving their faith behind as they head into their twenties. This workshop will challenge us to look into how we’re structuring our ministries in ways that might be perpetuating the problem and develop some solid theological and practical solutions to putting a stop to this common trend.

• Communication At The Core – Taking criticism is about as enjoyable and endurable as a root canal, but it might be just as critical to your long-term ministry health, too. One of the essential skill sets of all leaders is the ability to learn from, and at times even ignore, the voice of critics. This seminar will examine why we fear criticism, why we need it, and how to respond when it comes.

YOU SUCK: enduring, learning from, and responding to your critics.  Session #2.
Saturday March 3.  2:45pm – 4:45pm    ROOM: Carroll/Ford

• Responding vs Reacting.. And When To Retreat 

Ok, I have a sincere and genuine question that I would love to hear your comments on.  I’m in a seminary class about pastoral care and there’s a strong push being made that pastors need to be in people’s homes.

They argue that good pastors do home visitation on a regular basis.  Will you give me your answers to this poll?  Feel free to click up to 4 that apply.

Do you do pastoral visits in people’s homes
I’ve been told that I need to lead our culture to a point of spiritual health and break down some barriers and get in homes.  This is honestly the first time I’ve been pushed to do this in almost 20 years of ministry.

I’ve been told you have to get on school campuses.

I’ve been told you have to know youth culture extremely well.

I’ve been told you have to be involved in the community outside of church.

Influence takes time. Friendships take time.  There’s no fast track to either.  I’ve been reminded lately, however, that they both come from one simple discipline I often fail to do:  Linger.

Some people believe that God is found only in the pages of the Bible.  Some believe that you can find God in nature.  Some people believe you can find God in a conversation with a friend.  Some people believe you can find God in heaven and rare glimpses of heaven on earth.

Others…  well they believe that if you pay attention, you’ll see the fingerprint of God all over the place… and sometimes, in the most random of places.

Me?  I happen to be the later group.  Don’t get me wrong, I miss God all the time.  But when I have my A game on and my ears and eyes tuned in, I find the DNA of the things of God all over the place.  I see it in the broken hearted yearning for a better life.  I see it in the creativity of an artist.  I see it in the reflection of my kids in a window in the right sunlight.

And while driving up I-5 this week listening to an ABC News Nightline podcast from their Feb. 20, 2012 show… I heard the wisdom of God in an interview with comedian Louis CK.

I’m quite positive that Louis is not going to read this blog and he was also not trying to lead people into connection with God, but God regularly doesn’t seem to mind or care what people intend to do.  He just uses all kinds of people in all kinds of ways to do what God intends. It’s not manipulation, it’s really kind of beautiful. God simply gives glimpses of himself all over the place.  I managed to find the clip on Hulu. You can give it a listen and watch if you want.

Maybe you listened and missed it.  Here’s the stuff… I thought… “Wow. That sounds like God’s fingerprint to me.”

•  “At some point you just don’t care. Well, it’s not that you don’t care.  It’s that you just can’t keep faking it.  You can’t keep being fake.  Some people either harden into a glazed version of your fake self… or you decide I’m going to stop this”- Louis CK on what I would call integrity and authenticity- both characteristics of the imago dei. 
• Then the moment when Louis CK’s career took off was also the moment that he made some unique family decisions… the narrator says”And in a lesson for all of us… The moment he put the kids first, his career exploded.”  Are you kidding me?  That’s not ABC wisdom, that’s Biblical wisdom. I know a ton of youth pastors that should re-play that line about 20 times.    
• Oh… and just listen as he is the quintessential example of a guy who was a nobody for 20 years before he found HUGE success in his 40’s.  How’s that for a God sighting?  Don’t quit.  God is not done with you yet…. and you don’t have to get discovered at 25 by American Idol either. Some people have to remain faithful to the call and persistent and when they do, they find the fruit of their labor in the second half of life.  That’s awesome.   

In the last several weeks I’ve had several meetings with parents who called me to tell me they were having trouble with their teen.  One was super casual and we brainstormed a way to creatively solve a stressed out teen issue that ended with a really fun solution that turned out to be a big blessing.  The others were experiencing extreme relational disconnect between themselves and their teen- some to the point of suicidal thoughts.  In the end, they resulted in meetings in my office that were informative and helpful for myself and the parents.  All of them would not have happened had the parent not called.  I was so thankful they did.

So, if you’re a parent of a teen and you also have a youth pastor or key small group leader in your teen’s life, please do 3 things:

COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS:   No pastor has a crystal ball, a supernatural ability to see into the unknown, or an uncanny ability to know what someone else is thinking.  We are normal people just like you and we can’t help with what we’re unaware of. And no, your teen doesn’t tell us everything and no, you’re not the enemy.   If you know something we should know, please tell us.  We won’t put it on Facebook or tell your teen we talked.  We’re a safe place to listen and we’re eager to help.  But we need your help so we can be a help. So please sound the alarm when you need to.

COMMUNICATE YOUR WANTS:   If you really wished youth group was a 1/2 hour earlier or that small group met in a home instead of on campus, please speak up.  If the retreats cost too much or you could use a payment plan or you need more notice, please let us know.  If you had 6 students over for a sleep over and you discovered we should address personal hygiene issues, well please… just ask and we’ll pass out bars of soap and tell them to wash their sins away 🙂  We can’t always fix every problem or please every family perfectly, but we surely can’t help with needs we don’t know about.

COMMUNICATE YOUR PRAISE:  If your teen is loving youth ministry or their small group blessed them or they had a great time at the retreat. If your teen is coming home happy or picking great friends for once, or simply would not stop talking about how much they learned or what fun they had in youth group… by all means, say something!  We’re on your team on this whole raising teens into young adults thing and we, like you, desperately need some encouragement.

So… while I’m at it…  If you’re a pastor working with teens… these all apply to us too!  Communication is a 2 way street.   Tell parents about concerns you have.  Let them know what you want or need.  And by all means, when they make a good decision or you see spiritual fruit in their son or daughter, for the love of God let them know!  They are hungry (and many flat out starving) for a positive word.

Ok people…let’s open the flood gates and start sharing the love!