Last weekend in our high school ministry, we again offered a chance for students to write down their secrets or pains. We started a series called “My Life Unfiltered” and last Sunday was “My Junk and Jesus.” In each program we had a card that simply read, “I have junk in my life too. No one knows but…” and then let students fill them in anonymously and turn them in during a 3 song music set.

An adult leader typed them up and I read them today. In the end, 1/3 of the students in our service took the time to fill one out and turn it in. What they ended up writting down was some of the hurt, pain, regret, fears, and doubts that our high school students deal with. If we’re honest, it’s a microcosm of humanity in general, not just teens today.

I would type them up directly as they were written, because they are raw and real… but even though most are anonymous, I said I was not going to do that publicaly. So here they are categorically.

• Several indicated they were molested or even did the molesting sexually as children.
• Some are struggling with sexual desires- both hetero and homosexually.
• Some feel like a dating relationship has ruined them.
• At least one student is specifically mad at me.
• Some can’t make their parents happy.
• Some feel like they are in a comparison game trap.
• Lots feel very very alone.
• Several struggle with depression, suicide, and the pointlessness of life.
• Some are angry with someone or themselves.
• Some can’t forgive- the pain is too deep.
• Some are hurting from divorce- both old and pending.
• Most are tired of faking it, but don’t know who they can trust.

This list messed me up for most of my morning. But the one that instantly sent me to tears was a sentence about sexual regret and hurt that ended with the sentence. “I plan on taking this to the grave.”

I can think of no worse thing, than at 16 to believe that your sin or pain is so great, that you’ll have to carry it as a secret for maybe the next 70 years. Oh God I pray this student decides that’s a bad idea and empties this HUGE brick of a lie out of their emotional and spiritual backpack.

Today I was reminded again of 3 truths:

1. My students hurt. People hurt. I hurt.
2. One of the universal struggles in the church is to be real. In the midst of God’s people or people seeking God, the brokenness is always deep and the facades of perfection often are so think. This is NOT right.
3. Confession heals me. Public confession defeats the lie that “I’m the only one who struggles with this or feels this way” and that lie is still very very present in the church today.

Today we went to Tyler’s school to see him perform in Go West.

He said his lines and sang nice and loud.

He amazed his brother.  This is Jake looking amazed.

He and his cohort Kyle are destined for Broadway.

Today, my pretty little girl got her hair done, by her very talented mommy who has been going to hair school here. 

Nice work babe.  She now has beads.  SOOOOO cute.

Ok.. so every once in a while, I think to myself, “I can’t believe someone gets paid to do this.”

So, like I think this about my job when I’m at the beach with kids or something.

I think about it everytime I read the labels on Vitamin Water. Like whoever writes those paragraphs laughs themselves to work everyday.

I also thought that when I was bored on my last flight and started flipping through skymall. Which by the way- who buys stuff out of here? Anyway, I ripped out this one page… which everyone does, cuz you can’t buy it on the plane anyway… so yeah….

I ripped out this page for the “Zombie of Montclair Moors” Sculpture.

Seriously, someone convinced somebody else to design this, create a mold, photograph it, mass produce it, and ship it all over the world. Here’s why:

We challenged artist Alan Dickinson to create his most macabre, haunting zombie statue exclusively for Toscano-and he certainly delivered! Not for the faint of heart, this gray-toned Zombie of Montclaire Moors statue features the most zombie-like eyes you’ve ever seen. Captured in meticulous detail in quality designer resin, this zombie garden statue brings the flesh-hungry undead to your daffodil bed! Arrives in 3 pcs.

HAAAA. My favorite part is the warning that it arrives in 3 pieces. This is important when you open the box and it has only one head in it or just an arm and your roommate or mom or something opens the package and calls the FBI and evacuates the house.

I should have bought it for Ian in honor of his zombie film.

.

I have 4 cars. 

• A truck I use for ministry trips, camping, and a billion other things. 
• A pt cruiser I use for my daily driving.
• A yukon xl my wife uses to haul around our family and such.
• A 65 mustang I got in high school, I’ve rebuilt twice from the ground up, was my daily driver for like a decade, and is currently on non op status with the DMV- cuz it overheats and I don’t have the time or money to fix it.  So it sits sadly under a cover awaiting resurrection day.

I have friends that have only one car.  I have friends that have none.  I don’t think either of those are going to work for our family of 7.  And I fear what this blog post will look like when 1 is in college and 4 are in high school 🙂

But if I could, I think I’d sell 2… the yukon and the cruiser.  Both are great and well used, but I feel like a used car lot dealer sometimes.

• I’m not sure I can part with the nostalgia that is my mustang.  I really need to get it running and drive it every once in a while.
• Getting rid of my truck would be foolish with the level of use it gets… though I could give it to the church and borrow it back, since it’s used more there than here 🙂

If I sold 2, here’s what I’d do.   I’d buy the wife this which holds 7.

I’d keep the truck for rainy days, fix the mustang for dating the wife like old times, and buy either

this….  that I saw last summer in Pacific Beach.

or this….. that I saw for the first time at the zoo recently. 

…. for my daily drive.  Neither hit the freeway, but both would save me a bagillion miles per gallon and would work great for getting me to work and back on some side streets.   The bike I could even decide to get some excercise in from time to time or ride the battery when it was too hot, too steep, or I was just too plain lazy.