If you, or someone you know would benefit from a book about trying to live some semblance of a healthy life in the midst of crazy demands of family, ministry, marriage, career, and about a zillion other pressures we all wrestle with, then game on!

Have you ever made a list of pros and cons for a decision?  I have.  And my observation/experience is that most of the time, the pro side is filled with little white lies of promises no one can back up.  As I thought about it today, I thought that maybe what we should do is instead of labeling the list “pros” and “cons”, what if we made a list called “truths” and “lies”.

My experience says there a lots of lies that have subtly walked into the room and someone needs to have enough guts to call them out.

You know that voice in your head that says you’re a loser.  Yeah, that’s a lie.

The one that says if you married so-and-so your life would be better.  Yup, that’s a lie.

The one that says there is a marriage that is not work to keep going cuz they are just so ridiculously in love it comes naturally and birds sing and they live in the land of Disney.  Seriously people?  That’s a lie.

The one that says some other family has perfect kids.  Liar.

The job where you make a million bucks a year and never work before 9am or after 3pm.  Lie. Lie. Lie.

The one that says if you made a million bucks a year you’d be happy.  Ok, I’d be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I really want to try this lie out to see if I’m right. Like a million dollars a year sounds like it would solve all my problems.  But I’m pretty sure.  It’s a lie.  I know a guy who got a divorce and he makes a million bucks a year and has to pay a crap load of it in alimony.  He’s not happy about it.  Guess it must be a lie.

The one that says changing churches will fix your problems.  Bummer.  It’s a lie.

The gym equipment that will motivate you to work out.  Ut oh. You smell the lie right?

That hero of yours that you’re pretty sure your life would be awesome if you walked in their shoes.  Bad news. You’d hate it.  It’s a lie.

The new thing that will make everything easier for you once you get it.  Don’t buy it. It’s a lie.

The super food that will make you super. Super foolish.  Super lie.

The mythical perfect man, perfect woman, perfect date, perfect family, perfect body, perfect friend, perfect job, perfect pretty much anything… all of it. Lies lies lies.

But just cuz they are all lies, doesn’t mean we don’t secretly think somewhere, somehow, in some crazy world or just down the street or in someone you know’s house, well in there, that thing you know is a lie is somehow true for them.  But nonetheless, it’s still a BIG FREAKING UGLY LIE!!!

I watched The Help again last week because I taught on it during our God at the Movies series in Encounter. My task in teaching was to ask God if there was anything redemptive in the movie that aligns with Scripture. Yes there are some obvious ones- like about race and equality.  But as I watched this film, I realized so many people in it had been lied to.  Blacks had been lied to.  Rich white people had been lied to.  Lies are everywhere and on a real deep level in this film.  One thread that runs through the film that is not about race is actually about beauty and value.  It’s the lie that is told to every girl – in her head she’s got a voice that says she’s ugly…. Every girl! In this film, it’s the plight of even the white girls.  So I pulled on the thread of the lies we believe and called them out.

I think we all need to call out lies.

This scene from the movie with Constantine pretty much sums it up.  From 1:40 on is worth watching 1000 times… now that’ll preach.

Constantine says the same thing that Aibilene tells the little girl she’s a nanny for.  “You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important.”  You’re gonna do something BIG!  Everyone of those statements is contrary to some lie little girls get told.  Every freaking one of them.  This scene I embedded has the quote in it, but it must be an out take or something, cuz it’s not in the film.  But I still Love love love love this quote from the movie regardless.

At the risk of sounding like I’m addicted to this song and parodies of it since this is my second video post on the same song… I’m going to go out there and say this is amazing and so much fun for starting conversations with students.  We ran it in the pre-roll last week in our final week of our “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” dating series and it was a total hit!

I found this video when I saw Noah on the Today Show in the days after this video went viral and there is so much going on in it.

#1. A remix of music and lyrics.
#2. Proof that changing things changes almost everything
#3. Stereotypes are being shattered.
#4. Evidence that I can’t sing but Noah can.
#5. Validation that confidence in sexier that being sexier.
#6… so much more.

All by a high school student named Noah.  Amazing.  Seriously Amazing.

Last weekend, my friend Adam McLane wrote a blog post entitled:  “How to Keep Your Youth Ministry Job”.  In it, he suggests 2 things you must master if you’re going to keep getting a pay check.

Read the full post, in the link above, but he suggests at least 2 things:

1. Care about the measurable data like numbers and such that your boss or board cares about.
2. Care about the politics of donor relationships.

I’m not going to discredit either of those, but as I read the article, and then skimmed the slew of comments his post produced from his audience, I thought I’d toss my own thoughts out here.  I was going to write them in his comments section, but then I realized I had a mouthful, not 3 sentences.

So after 11 years in youth ministry in one church and 7 in the one I’m at now and having heard or been a part of countless conversations with youth pastors around the country at conferences and after hiring several myself, I’d suggest the following three additions to Adam’s list if you want to keep your youth ministry job:

BE A TEAM PLAYER:  
Sure, you’re paid to champion the needs of teens in your church.  Be their spokesperson on or to your church board. Yes, make sure students are cared for and resourced and give them a voice in the “Big Church” world.  Just don’t get arrogant and self-centered and bitter acting like your ministry is always getting the hand me downs and nothing else on campus matters besides youth.

I’ve been given more hand me down sound systems than I’d like to admit when the “big church” got a new one.  I get it.  But we’re not the biggest dog in the show.  Get over it.

There’s more going on at my church than just my ministry and I need to understand that as the youth pastor, I should champion students, but not above the bigger mission or vision of the church as a whole.

The truth is, if you don’t like something, then partner and lead up.  Be a solution finder, not a whiner.  You cannot pit yourself at odds with the kids ministry or the mens ministry or the senior pastor’s goals.  If you do, you can probably start the countdown.  Championing your area in vain ignorance of the needs of the greater congregation or the flow of the church body will get your job listed on the internet.

COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE. COMMUNICATE.
Do this in 2 ways:

1. Over communicate the good stuff.  Why? Because it’s fun to share.  But if you just want some gut wrenching blunt political truth on job security, do it because it’s hard to fire the youth pastor who is constantly feeding you great news.  If all your supervisors hear from anyone else is the stuff you’re doing wrong, then you’re in trouble.  Forward a great e-mail, quote a Facebook update, talk about small victories and huge ones.  Share what you see God doing in your ministry and keep the good info coming.  The bad stuff has a way of finding it’s way to the top without any help.  Your job is to keep the good stuff flowing.

2. Decide right now too that you’ll be the first to communicate when things go funky or bad too.  If you have a problem with a parent or an issue that you think could end up on your supervisor’s desk, then go tell them. If you called an ambulance or sent a kid home or a parent sent you an irate e-mail, the tell them what happened, how you responded, and if you were at fault- how you intend to not have it happen again.  Don’t ever let your supervisor be surprised by your mistakes or find out through the grapevine.

Be the first one to bring bad news so when the grapevine spreads it, your pastor or board goes, “Oh yeah,  I already talked to them about this.”  This will completely take the wind out of your attackers sail as well because they’re counting on surprises and shock and awe to be in their favor.  Don’t give your accusers this kind of ammo.  Be the first to communicate or you might be first to be fired.

DON’T FLIRT. 
Ever with students or married people. Not on Facebook.  Not in person. Not in a text. Not at the water cooler.  Not for fun. Not sarcastically. Not in jest. Not on a boat. Not on a plane. Not on a retreat.  Never ever ever.

IF YOU’RE MARRIED.  DON’T FLIRT WITH ANYONE WHO IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE.  On second thought…. Start flirting with your spouse a lot more than you already do and if you have to, be cold to anyone who even remotely tries to flirt with you that’s not your spouse.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don’t flirt!  I’m tired of hearing stories of friends who lost their job cuz they flirted.  Just this week I heard about a guy who lost his job from an affair.  AHHHHH!  This is not new or creative.  It’s boring and annoying and it always starts with “innocent” flirting. Don’t flirt! It’s not innocent. I have lots more creative adjectives I want to add in front of flirt.  But I won’t.  Please just think of one that would offend you enough to get your attention and insert it here:  Stop ___________ flirting!

If you want to keep your job.  Never ever ever ever flirt with anyone you didn’t walk a marriage isle with.

Seriously, if this is you, go get help now.  Your faith, your family, your ministry, and the reputation of your community of fellow youth pastors begs you to stop.

I have 8 seminary papers due in the next 10 days.

5 of them are extensive book reports. In this case, being able to extract a quote and view my notes in a quick shot is mandatory.  But since I’m reading those books on my iPad, I have a choice: ibook app or the kindle app.

Simply stated, the kindle is the only way to go for writing reports or extracting info.  If I’m reading a novel, I’ll choose ibooks because I like the look better and rarely ever need a quote.  But if it’s non-fiction, or something I might want o cut and paste in to a sermon or paper in the future, I use the kindle.

Here’s why:

1. VERSATILITY:  I can read the book in one of 4 options on my mac products, all of which are free to download and cloud sync letting me pick up where I left off on the latest page I got to in any of the apps I read the book in.  I have 4 choices:

• on the kindle app on iPad
• on the kindle app on iPhone
• on the kindle app on the Mac Desktop app.  (available in the App Store on your mac)
• online on a kindle page designed specifically for my kindle. Go to kindle.amazon.com and login and you’ll be at your unique kindle page- yup, if you’re using a kindle or the kindle app, you have one of these already.