Husband. Dad to 5. Student Ministry Pastor. Follower of Jesus. Yatta yatta.


I hate that I’m writing this today.  I really wish I was not.  Even writing it a few weeks from now would feel better than today.  I even debated not posting this at all because I’m not sure how open I want to be with the world on this, but I felt I needed to.

So instead of praise and rejoicing, the post I put on this blog yesterday is now being followed by a “today, our community lost a fellow youth pastor” post.

I really wish this was about how God answered the prayers of hundreds of people in my community in a way we were asking. But tonight there’s a 22 year old wife holding her 8 week old daughter today wondering why God let their husband/daddy leave this earth.  I can’t imagine how that must feel.  In my heart, I know Mike’s experiencing more joy and peace with Jesus than myself or his grieving wife and family.  But I still hurt.  I hurt for Mike’s daughter, his wife, his family, his church, and the students in his ministry.

As a result, I’m left with a “what now?” moment.  I don’t believe in “unanswered prayers”.  I believe that God is working and has answered prayer, just not in the way that I was praying!  But the miracle I was asking for did not come today.  So, I was left to ponder for the last 12 hours, “how do I deal with unanswered prayer?”

Here’s how I’m dealing with it.  I don’t know that it’s right, it’s just me verbally processing.

MOURN.   I’m choosing to mourn with those who mourn today.  I’m hurting for those who were closest to Mike and who prayed fervently with me for a miracle.

TRUST.  I’m trusting that while I don’t understand, God knows better than I what is needed in this situation.  I’m trusting that how I feel is somehow skewed by perspective and realm.  I’m praying that God gives all of us a peace that surpasses understanding.

LEARN.  I’m asking God for wisdom. I’m really hoping and praying that God continues to show me greater understanding about prayer, God’s will, and our lives.  When I lack wisdom, the scriptures call me to ask God for it.  So i’m trying to be faithful to that call.  I truly want my faith and my understanding to increase, and in the midst of moments like this, both are stretched to the breaking point.

ENDURE.  Whenever I don’t experience what I’m praying for, there’s a little piece of me that wants to stop asking or praying with belief.  But I’m choosing to lean into God for more faith, especially when mine is strained and seems unreasonable. 


  1. Thanks for processing your thoughts in public – I think it’s helpful to the many who have been in a similar place and experienced similar feelings…

  2. Mourning with you today. It was strange yesterday, praying for someone I’ve never met, yet knowing that the same God who is present in AZ is also there in CA.

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