Archives for October 2011

At the last NYWC in San Diego, myself and Nate Rice and Matt McGill hosted a panel discussion entitled “Retreat Planning 101” and in it, we discussed the what, when, where, how and such of planning your own retreat verses just using the already done program of a retreat center who runs their own camps and subcontracts out spaces to groups.

We decided to do a brief overview and then we selected on person from the audience who had a retreat to plan and we used him as a guinea pig and tried to apply the basic retreat planning process to his one retreat.  That gave us an immediate way to make it practical and a fun way to help someone out.

But before we dug in, we started asking the basic question:  “Why bother?”  I mean really, think about it.  No one has extra time or money these days and planning your own retreat will require both.  Volunteers will have to take time off work, families will have to find room in their budget for the retreat expenses, the work load of the one(s) planning the retreat just went sky high, and the list could go on.  If you were trying to make your life easier or not put pressure on the budget of any family, then you would surely NOT plan a retreat at all.  So again, “Why bother?” Are retreats stills worth it?

I asked myself this question again this week as I’m planning a retreat with our students this weekend.  It’s our annual fall retreat and the guys are going to the desert about an hour east of us and the girls are going to the beach at Carlsbad about an hour north of us.  But while both trips have promising experiences laid out, both trips have also already proven to be a lot of work and a financial hardship for families and even my own church budget. We’re not planning a $300 weekend, but still… everything ads up when I’m calling students and writing on Facebook walls and trying to convince all kinds of people that it will be worth the sacrifice of time and money, I find myself again wondering… am I just trying to convince myself it will be awesome?  Maybe the retreat model is dead for a season and I should quit planning stuff like this.

So for what it’s worth, here’s 3 reasons I think planning a retreat is worth it.  Despite the fact that my week is harder than normal and my weekend waaaay busier, here’s why I would still do it again:

GET AWAY & GET OUT OF TOWN FACTOR.  There is no changing it.  When you get away, the mindset is different.  There’s anticipation in the air.  Students listen different. Adults engage different.  I could paint the whole building every weekend and change decor into some new theme, and it still wouldn’t compete with the power of a new environment off our church campus.  When ever we get out of the normal space and into a new one, God meets us there.  Maybe he gets bored just like we do with monotony. Retreats break that up.  Retreats are powerful ethos changers.

BONDING.  There is nothing that can promote bonding like a shared experience.  Go on a road trip.  Build a bonfire.  Have something break and something go ridiculously wrong.  All of it adds up to a memory that again, will always trump whatever stuff happens in our church on Sunday. Getting away creates a community in ways that staying at home simply can’t compete with.  It’s true of family vacations. It’s true of student retreats too.

LIFE CHANGE.  I know it’s cliche to think that when we get away, people connect with God. This truth has gotten a bad rap actually because many times the results are hyped up and short lived.  But the flip side of this coin outweighs this possibility every time.  The fact of the matter is when we take a risk and pour into one another and God like we do when we go on retreats, God does great things.  Sure, you could argue that if we did that each time we met at home, God would do that there too.  It is true God is not spatially impaired.  But you’d also be arguing against reality as well.  The truth is normal is normal.  If you want the abnormal to occur, you have to take a risk and get abnormal.  Retreats set up amazing opportunities where God constantly and consistently works in the lives of those who join God in the abnormal experiences a weekend or weeklong retreat lends itself too.

So go ahead, work hard, pull out your hair, stress over the money, beg spoiled students to go with you, take a risk, trust God, and remind yourself that it’s all worth it.  Every minute and every penny.  Retreats are a great investment of both.  Give it 2 weeks.  It will all be worth it.  Give it 2 years and it will definitely prove to be worth it.

This year we’re trying something new and we put our small groups all in the same space on campus.  We have a dinner and hang out time with volleyball and basketball for 40 minutes from 6:30 to 7:10ish pm.  We come in for a 20 minute large group co-ed time to set up the topic of discussion.  Then we head to gender specific small groups for the remaining hour till 8:30pm in various places on campus.

Tonight, we were talking about money and stuff.  So to start us off thinking about what you would buy if you had the money, we asked 2 questions in our large group.

1. what did you have for lunch today?
2. what was the last fast food item restaurant you went to? 

I was teaching at Recess at Mt. Hermon this last weekend for some youth workers in Nor Cal and during a Q and A session, the subject of being restricted from youth group came up.

Whenever this comes up in my ministry or in a question from another, I have 2 primary thoughts.

FOR PARENTS:  A parent restricts their son or daughter from youth group because their child likes it.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t restrict them from it.  It’s not like anyone is ever restricted from math class or from eating their vegetables.  But I would say that like grape flavored cough syrup, just because your kid likes it, doesn’t mean it’s not helpful.  If you tell your student they can’t go to church when they are telling you they want to, this will eventually backfire when they don’t want to one day and you try to force them to go.  It is also totally possible to be an A+ student and a D+ Christ-follower.  Take away their cell phone.  Unplug the computer.  Ban them from the school football game. Give them chores at home.  Just don’t tell them they can’t go to church.  There are tons of families who are forcing their son or daughter to go because they won’t go on their own who would trade seats any day of the week.

FOR STUDENTS:  So glad you you like our youth group.  So glad you come.  But evidently whatever is making it fun is not making a transformation at home either.  If every time you came home from being at youth group or small group, your parents saw a difference in you, then you probably wouldn’t be restricted from it.  Oh, and it’s not possible to be an A+ Christian and a D+ student.  Just because you are striving to love Jesus doesn’t mean you can fail at home or at work and God doesn’t care.  Faking that you hate it won’t help either.  Just put away your cell phone, lean into youth group, and go home a different person.  The more transformational your faith becomes to your real life, the less time you’ll spend fighting your parents over it.

So then what?  What should a youth pastor do when a student is restricted from youth group?

• Talk to parents.  Find out what really is going on at home. Don’t tell them they are wrong.  Just shut up and listen.  You don’t live with their son or daughter and it’s totally possible they are different at home than they are with you.  Be a learner. 
• Commit to praying for their family.  Be sympathetic to the difficulty of raising a teen who loves Jesus in the midst of the world we live in today.  
• Meet up.  If you can, offer to meet one-on-one with the parents or their student.  Meet in a safe public place like starbucks and talk about life.  Let them know you care and that you want to be a help to making youth group not just fun, but helpful too.  See if you can’t agree on some good action steps together that could bring about mutual benefit to their home, the student, and youth ministry too.  
• Keep at it.  When they get to come back, don’t assume things will just automatically changed or are fixed because they came back.  Keep asking how things are going and give reminders to the student when it’s appropriate.  Like when they walk out the door every week to go get in their parent’s car!

I was teaching at Recess at Mt. Hermon this last weekend for some youth workers in Nor Cal and during a Q and A session, the subject of being restricted from youth group came up.

Whenever this comes up in my ministry or in a question from another, I have 2 primary thoughts.

FOR PARENTS:  A parent restricts their son or daughter from youth group because their child likes it.  If they didn’t, they wouldn’t restrict them from it.  It’s not like anyone is ever restricted from math class or from eating their vegetables.  But I would say that like grape flavored cough syrup, just because your kid likes it, doesn’t mean it’s not helpful.  If you tell your student they can’t go to church when they are telling you they want to, this will eventually backfire when they don’t want to one day and you try to force them to go.  It is also totally possible to be an A+ student and a D+ Christ-follower.  Take away their cell phone.  Unplug the computer.  Ban them from the school football game. Give them chores at home.  Just don’t tell them they can’t go to church.  There are tons of families who are forcing their son or daughter to go because they won’t go on their own who would trade seats any day of the week.

FOR STUDENTS:  So glad you you like our youth group.  So glad you come.  But evidently whatever is making it fun is not making a transformation at home either.  If every time you came home from being at youth group or small group, your parents saw a difference in you, then you probably wouldn’t be restricted from it.  Oh, and it’s not possible to be an A+ Christian and a D+ student.  Just because you are striving to love Jesus doesn’t mean you can fail at home or at work and God doesn’t care.  Faking that you hate it won’t help either.  Just put away your cell phone, lean into youth group, and go home a different person.  The more transformational your faith becomes to your real life, the less time you’ll spend fighting your parents over it.

So then what?  What should a youth pastor do when a student is restricted from youth group?

• Talk to parents.  Find out what really is going on at home. Don’t tell them they are wrong.  Just shut up and listen.  You don’t live with their son or daughter and it’s totally possible they are different at home than they are with you.  Be a learner. 
• Commit to praying for their family.  Be sympathetic to the difficulty of raising a teen who loves Jesus in the midst of the world we live in today.  
• Meet up.  If you can, offer to meet one-on-one with the parents or their student.  Meet in a safe public place like starbucks and talk about life.  Let them know you care and that you want to be a help to making youth group not just fun, but helpful too.  See if you can’t agree on some good action steps together that could bring about mutual benefit to their home, the student, and youth ministry too.  
• Keep at it.  When they get to come back, don’t assume things will just automatically changed or are fixed because they came back.  Keep asking how things are going and give reminders to the student when it’s appropriate.  Like when they walk out the door every week to go get in their parent’s car!

Keeping my marriage a priority is constantly in tension with the pull of work, family, and life.

We could probably make a long list of reasons for this tension, discussing the demands of the church, the difficulty of separating work and home life when your calling as a pastor is a 24/7 reality, the needs of people, etc. But, regardless of the reason, if you want to stay in ministry and stay married to your spouse, then my observation and experience tell me it will require intentionality.

Here are five things we’ve tried to do as a married couple that I think have been strategically helpful. Sometimes we’re better at these than others.

Interested in my list?

You can read my five thoughts and several others from Lars Rood and Brooklyn Lindsey on Slant 33 here.