Archives for February 2011

My students are growing up in, and largely contributing to, a Biblically Illiterate world.  By that I mean, a large portion of the “American Christian” population, simply does not read their Bible regularly.

There are lots of reasons for this I’m sure, but at least one is the assumption that they “already know what it says.”  How can that be you ask?  Well, because they assume the Bible is a list of moral do’s and don’ts and proclamations that are still essentially the moral fabric of much of the judeo-christian based laws in our country.  In addition, they listen to politics and news casts and they hear the religious representatives of the faith getting upset about this or that, and they assume they know what it teaches by reverse reading into their responses.

Perhaps the most obvious way my students think they know is because they come to church from time to time and have heard a “proclamation” based sermon in which we read a passage of the Bible and tell them what it says.  I don’t think teaching or proclamation or instruction are wrong… it is part of what the Bible does.  It also however is not the whole of it.  There is history and poetry and story and hyperbole and parables and way more teaching styles than simply proclamation inside.

But, for one reason or another, proclamation still is the dominate theme in churches and even in my student large group weekend gathering… and in my pursuit and passion to teach students how to think and not what to think, I’m increasingly aware that it is not the only style needed.

I have also decided, proclamation does not work when teaching sexuality.

So, in an effort to put my money where my mouth is, this last sunday we risked the accusation that we will be labeled wishy washy and avoided “telling students” what the Bible says on several issues.  It was the second weekend in our series we’ve titled “FLIRT” and it was titled “Flirting with feelings”.  We discussed the classic, “If it feels good, do it” mindset and the “If you want it, try it” realities of our culture.

We challenged students to think through 2 grids.  The first had to do with sexual feelings and the second had to do with questions to ask about them.  We proposed that while all urges are real, not all should be honored.  We challenged students to evaluate their sexual desires and to put them into one of 3 categories:

1. Desires we should fuel.  Like a wedding night, they are God given and God granted.
2. Desires we should starve.  Like a wrong way sign, they are godless and lead to sexual and spiritual regret. 
3. Desires we should delay.  Like a yield sign, they are neither right or wrong.  They are God given desires, but not God granted for action today. 

Today I’ve been reading the history of the church post the reformation.  All day.  For 10 hours straight.

In other words, I’ve been reading about some really ugly divisions, brutal killings, and wars between popes, bishops, “pastors”, theologians, princes, and kings over spiritual beliefs and power struggles for centuries.  Yes, there are glimmers of hope in there and people who go across the grain and even people whose story I found really encouraging, but they get lost in the much larger sea of…

um… I have no nice words for it… let’s just say of “horribleness”.

Truthfully, if you’ve read your Bible, it’s nothing new.  In fact, if you want to be absolutely appalled at what people can do in the name of God, then just read the history recorded in Judges 19-21.  But don’t forget to put them in the context of the first verse and the last verse and don’t stop until you’ve read all of it within that context.  Because it’s unbelievable what people will do and say with what “they see fit.”

But, I don’t shy away from this in my Bible or in life or even in the history of the church. I know God doesn’t author all that history records.  But there is a prevailing thing that I continue to run into that’s been oozing in me for a while.   I think it’s been surfacing more and more in recent years, primarily in a riff between what some call the “emerging church” of today and what many identify with as a “reformed theology” which dates back to the 1500’s and a lawyer/theologian named John Calvin.

I would have continued to sit on it.  But for me, the ulcer just bursted:

I read this quote in my text book, The Story of Christianity Volume II.

“But this was no longer the time of great theological discoveries, leading up unknown paths.  Theologians in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries zealously defended the teachings of the great figures of the sixteenth, but without fresh creativity of that earlier generation.  Their style became increasingly rigid, cold, and academic.  Their goal was no longer to be entirely open to the Word of God but rather to uphold and clarify what others had said before them.  Dogma was often substituted for faith, and orthodoxy for love.  Reformed, Lutheran, and Catholic alike developed orthodoxies to which one had to either adhere strickly or be counted out of the fold of the faithful.”  (p. 174)

Sadly, this resonated with me.  I don’t think we’ve ever stopped doing that… or at least we’ve radically returned to that same mindset in much of the American church today.  We have a long list of stuff that evidently was decided in the late 16th century that is no longer up for debate or discussion.  If you do wrestle with any of it openly, expect to be labeled a heretic.

Want proof?  Here you go: This is from Christianity TODAY.

I don’t even know if I agree or disagree with the opposers to the linked article above about the book Rob Bell has written… largely cuz isn’t even published yet!  But oh my, I can’t believe his words are already being declared heresy before the ink dries on the page.  I’m daily loosing respect for many gate keepers of “True Christian Theology” who have a knife to slit opposing view points in the throat.  Thank You Scot McKnight for being a voice of reason in that article.

It annoys me to no end to be told to “shut up, stop thinking, and sign on the dotted line” of this creed that a group of very capable and God-fearing people decided thousands of years ago.  I’m not saying what they decided is wrong, or that I should write my own systematic theology volume set…. but forgive me if I’d like to look into it before I sign.  I’m not buying itunes software, I’m choosing theology… and that road is a bit more significant and precarious.  I fear God myself more than that.

I really pray that the 21st century is marked by a renewed zeal among those in the church and those outside of it to wrestle with Scripture, theology, tradition, and the issues of our day with zeal and humility.  But if history has anything to say about that… then if that prayer is answered, it will truly be a miracle.

This week I’ve been blogging about some stuff that I’ve been kickin’ around lately in my head in terms of student ministry.  I wrote four posts:

1. Encouragement is too rare.
2. We have an absentee adult epidemic
3. Adolescence is becoming a lifestyle
4. Why always trumps what.

This is the fifth and final one in this series: “Face time before Facebook”.

I wrote about the power of the one on one convo in another post not long ago here.  Just like nothing can beat the one on one convo, nothing can beat the gift of face time.   And they kinda go hand in hand.

Facebook is still a technology toddler, but it’s pretty clear, that facebook is not going anywhere anytime soon.  I mean look at these stats from this crazy article: 

Let’s sum up: There are half a billion people on earth on Facebook, which amounts to 1 in every 13 people alive; in the U.S., a whopping 72% of the internet-connected audience has a profile.  [hey Jarred Benitez and Mark Campbell…. I love you guys but um… are you reading this? hello!!!! 🙂 ]

Over New Year’s weekend alone, 750 million photos were uploaded. Every 20 minutes, 10 million comments are made, and 2.7 million messages are sent. 

But despite it’s obvious popularity for connection and web based social networking, and despite my harassment of friends not on facebook, the face-to-face convo is still the key to mentoring and facebook cannot replace it.

So, to that end, here’s some more face to face/ one on one convo tips for parents and mentors of teens:

• SCHEDULE IT:  if you value it, then plan for it.  Set a goal and a timeframe and decide how many one on one’s you’ll make time and energy for.  You can drop in on facebook at 2am. Face time usually is harder than that and doesn’t happen by osmosis or accident very often or effectively. 
• TURN OFF YOUR CELL:  the only thing that is worse than not having face time is to have your face buried in our cell in the middle of it.  Screens can ruin a one-on-one by causing us to give half our attention.  turn off your phone.  meet where there are not TV’s on all around you.  Don’t just put it on silent.  turn it off or put it in your bag and give your face time your face. 
• EAT AND DRINK: I dunno why, but a meal or a cup of java or anything helps to get the convo flowing and keeps face time from being “lets just stare at each other time”. 
• SIT IN A VISIBLE, BUT LOW TRAFFIC ZONE: I prefer a one one one with anyone who is not my wife or kids to be in full view of the public.  I meet in coffee shops primarily, but rarely in our offices.  I try and find a place where I can be easily seen, but necessarily where we’ll be constantly interrupted. 
• LOVE ENOUGH TO CONFRONT:  if you’re going to make time to talk face to face and one on one, then don’t shy away from having the hard convo either.  It’s really the best time to do it anyway.  There’s no one to impress and nothing to hide. There are no voice tones to misread or non-verbals to miss like you get in all forms of screen based communication.  So when you meet face to face, have the hard convo there and there only.

When you’re 3, you ask “why?”  Why is the sky blue?  Why do only mommies have babies?  Why did God make that monkey’s butt look like that?

Then you get your questions answered and you trust everything you were told.  Adults know stuff kids don’t and they don’t need google, they have you… and you’re super smart.

Then somewhere between 12 and 14… somebody flips a switch. (probably located somewhere on that monkey’s butt) And virtually over night, you’re not smart and they have questions again. Lots of questions.  And if you once told them Noah was a cute story about animals who went two by two into a giant floating boat Noah made, then they want to know why you lied to them.  Because they read their big people bible without the pictures and it said that God flooded the whole world and they have watched the news and seen floods and people drowning and the story’s not cute anymore.

About this time, adults get sick of teens cynical questions, label them as rebellious misfits, and cast them aside, hoping they’ll grow out of it soon.  They don’t trust our answers verbatim anymore and they have questions about questions and then adults get fed up with it and start throwing around the “because I said so” clause… which only makes them more cynical and well… the path keeps on keeping on until they hit 30 when they may or may not return to what they once believed when they were 5.

So… if you want to know what teens need to know… it’s not an issue of “what?”, it’s an issue of “why?”… and if that answer to why results in “because xyz said so”, don’t be surprised when they chuck it in search of something that actually holds water.  Don’t teach students what to think, teach them how to think. 

If you have a teen in your home or if you’re in any kind of mentoring relationship with a teen, here’s some thoughts about helping them answer the “why” question.

• Resist the temptation to answer hard questions with easy answers.  “Why do bad things happen to good people?” is not simple or even solvable.  Don’t be trite or flippant.  Pull back the ugly covers and wrestle in the real mud of life with them.  It’s time for the deep end of the pool where those who don’t drown, must humbly learn to tread water.  It’s a myth that their are rocks to stand on down there.  It’s faith for everyone. 
• Don’t judge their questions.  It doesn’t matter how certain you are of the answer, if you don’t help them honestly wrestle with their own uncertainty, you’ve just put a bandaid on an ulcer.  It’s not gonna do much beyond cover it up.
• Celebrate doubt.  When a student starts doubting, they start thinking.  I honestly want students to doubt.  I want them to doubt what they hear on TV, what the media spews, what I say, even what the Bible teaches. I want them to wrestle with it to the core. It’s a critical thinking skill. Until they do, they have nothing worth defending and no honest conviction to live by. Without it, they are naive and susceptible to any smooth talking charismatic sales pitch of fads or faith. I’m convinced that healthy adults see doubt in the life of a teen as tool God uses to shape faith. 
• Spend less time telling students what to do or what God says they should do and more time asking them, “why do you do what you do?”  In their teen years, it’s way less important that they know what you think than it is that they are forced to figure out what they think and why they think it.  If a student is dating someone, ask them “why are you two dating?”  Don’t ask in front of their date, but don’t be surprised if you get a blank stare like you’re crazy for asking such a question.  But don’t settle.  Really… seriously, press them for what they see in this person, what they hope to get out of this relationship, and why they felt like they were ready to date. You may not agree with their answers, but your goal isn’t to get them to stop dating or to take your position.  Your goal is to help, even force them, to wrestle with the real issues of life.
• Redefine failure.  Failure in the life of a teen is not avoided by constant success.  Failure is not falling short, it’s failing to learn from it… or worse yet, failing to be given a chance to fail in the first place.  Failure is not a poor choice, it’s the inability of adults and mentors to seize that opportunity as a chance to wrestle with they “why” question that is the true failure.  Failure is part of life.  Those who succeed learn to deal with failure, wrestle it to the ground, learn from it, and move forward wiser because of it.  When adults only tell students what to do, we are doing so because we fear what will happen if they get it wrong.  When adults help students decide “why” we do what we do, then we don’t operate out of fear, but out of license.  Failure becomes a teacher of why, not a mistake to punish.   (SIDE NOTE THAT MIGHT HELP: I have this phrase I use when talking to parents about this, I tell them, “give your student enough rope to trip on, but not enough to hang themselves. Be wise. But be risky too.”) 

Adolescence has become a lifestyle instead of just a life stage.  You can read about this in study after study in America.

• I wrote about it here back in August where I referenced a book and a New York Times article I had recently read. 
• Last week the Wall Street Journal hosted another article called, “Where have the good men gone” in which college age women complain about dating “men” who are merely boys in adult bodies.  One author writes: